It took me a while to get the strength to finally write this. I had written this post many times just to delete it after. I tried to write it different ways, sometimes it was a happy post, sometimes it was just a rant at myself, other times it was just too sad. It was harder than I thought. When reviewing a brand or company is easier than judging yourself. I wanted to write this so I can stand back and perhaps, re-read if I feel down or have doubts. I am now working from home and spending time much more with myself which means that I'm sometimes over thinking certain things but also I have the best opportunity now to work on myself and on all goals I want achieve. So, today I wore my comfy women joggers from Jack Wills on and decided to finally post it. Also, I decided to link this post to a fashion showing you my latest photoshoot with BowsBoutique jacket and shoes, as I just love this combo but also I really felt happy, relaxed here and I didn't wanted just throw you pretty picture of sunset or other meaningless imagery but show you real me and my real emotions.
Perhaps, some of you may find this as another blogger blah blah or ‘’goals’ type of post that bloggers tend to write at the end of the year, but I don’t want to wait until New Year's Eve, I want to treat each day as new day and an opportunity to change things. Maybe it’s just a goals post, maybe is a way to mindset and help myself to make some important changes.
Outfit details: Jacket & shoes BowsBoutiques , Jeans Asos.co.uk (Monki)
Me, myself and I.
Sometimes, I think like I am being two persons, one is like a super confident chic who can rule the world and other is this scared little girl. It was a long way of accepting myself. A long way of trying to believe that yes, ‘I can do this’ with many aspects of my life, not just blog. I came across many obstacles in life, some made me stronger but some left a scar and kick me in the teeth leaving me with less confidence. You probably noticed, I always try to post just the happy things, and show pictures of myself smiling only. I try to avoid to rant on social media, well sometimes it’s just impossible not to but well…I am human after all and a girl with a huge temperament.
I started posting more and more pictures of myself, and I have noticed- people started to like the Anna from Instagram or twitter. I receiving comments that I am cute and sweet, and my pink theme seems to be liked by people. I was, and truly I am all over the moon after each comment whether on blog or Instagram, or twitter. It gave me much more confidence! I still have days, when I post a picture and then delete it after because I am not sure. I am still not fully confident and it’s something I am working on very hard. I am not a type of girl, who throw thick makeup on, make the perfect pout and stare to a camera with her fake lashes on. I do makeup, of course, but quite a moderate one and only fake part is the pink ( but I wish I was unicorn sometimes you know..;)
So here, I few words to myself and something I promise to work on.
I promise to work on this. I promise not to hide behind my keyboard and go more to events and meet people. I tend to say, I am busy but it’s to cover the fact that sometimes I am simply scared of meeting new people.
- Go events, smile to people and chat! Yes, I sometimes will hide in the corner or only speak to those I know, because I am simply scared to open my mouth to someone I don't know!
- Take part in discussions. You know that person who is seating in the corner with that fish mouth? (opening and closing desperately trying to say something?) Yes, that's me! I will be seating in table listening others and actually have something to say, but I will have miserable attempts and not enough confidence. So, make some noise Lysik!
- Don’t be scared of saying what you think. I sometimes will just agree on something to do,eat drink -whatever because I don’t want to make a ‘’fuss’’ and end up eating something I genuine hate! No more crappy food or seat! Take and do what you really want!
FOMO fear of missing out
I sometimes sign up to thing, just to get scared right before and come up with a silly excuse not to do things. Especially, when it comes to blogging. I sometimes fear I am not good enough, or what I will present will not be great. For example before my Idea Home Show presentation! Literally, I was that close to dropping it! In a both occasions, once in June and then again even this month! I loved my first time on stage but it literally, the fear paralysed me!
- Blogger opportunities. I have had many occasions where I have passed on applying opportunities because I was scared of being declined. So what? Not this brand? Baby, it’s only their loss :)
- Taste life. Yes, you have to go out and do stuff more. Wake up earlier, follow your list and then get out of a house. Do stuff you always wanted, like the re-visit to cat cafe? You know you want it!
- Just do it. Next time my love, if you get this opportunity like public speaking- just do it- take the opportunity to work on your presence and hide the nerves in pockets! Your last session was fantastic, you got great clapping and people seem really enjoying themselves, so why not doing it next time? Apply to all the stuff you wanted!
Trusting & judgements
Here, I have to admit something. I have fear of people who judge me. I have the fear that people analyse what I am doing and then laugh at me when I turn around. Well, it happens on few occasions and it seriously put down my confidence. I know, it’s not always the case but this is something I fight with very often. Since on few occasions it happened to be the truth, I have developed a serious fear of it. it’s time to stop.
- Ignore it. Just let it go. As long as they not twisting your surname, they can say whatever they want. It's not truth and you know this. No one is perfect and you can also make mistake, and of someone life goal is to dwell on it- well, you have better things to do instead.
- Stop caring what they saying anyway. Like seriously, it’s not just to ignore it but also don't walk away and rethink this over and over. Absolutely no point!
- Stay away from them. As simple as that. If you feel you don't trust that person, don't try to be his/her friend. Absolutely no point. Your instinct it’s perhaps right!
I learned recently of few fellow bloggers, whom to me were smiley and friendly, while behind my back put some stories that never happened. It was shock and disbelief as I never done anything bad to them. Same of those who needed my help were super smiley and as they achieved what they wanted, then not heard from them since. Some people just thrive goals no matter what and will only contact you when need your help. Until the 'you are quite useful’ ends and they achieved what they wanted.
- Try to sense them. When you see that person tweet you and you just e-met because she/he need help, be careful. Try not to get too friendly and keep a little distance. I know you, you try to be friendly with anyone but sometimes it’s worth to pass it on.
- Stop being freaking childish. Exactly this. You are an adult and mature woman, keep the drama away! I recently fell out with my blogging pal Nina, and I seriously missed this girl. I am glad we found the way and put that behind us.
- Expect less, give more. This was seriously my problem. I expected people to care about me, I expected people to ring me or let me know when they out, or not to cancel, while I was cancelling myself or not inviting them either. Just let people be and care more about others. As simple as that.
Being in a relationship for 8,5 years can be tricky! You literally live like a married couple. It’s very easy to fell off the waggon and pretend like you are just flatmates. Especially, if you both work most days and are simply tired.
- Make some time to each other. We have to make more plans and create our dates. Seriously, sounds easy but is more difficult to make when you sat in your comfy pyjama, in front of TV with a cat on lap. Let’s make some changes and stop moaning!
- More cuddle time. Yes to that. I have recently cuddle cats more than him. Well, obviously cats are in first place no matter what, but I think it’s time to change that as perhaps it start to be some serious issue. Sorry cats!
- What we need. I think good thing would be to work on relationship is to go back to our first dates, where we really cared what we wanted rather ‘’Hi, it’s this movie this weekend, I want to go see it’’, and maybe instead ‘Is there any movie you want to see this week?’
Here, there are few bits I was always aiming to do and didn't come to it yet! So here, the 'do list' I am officially aiming to do!
- Media Pack! Seriously, this blog has over a year now and DA of 36 with 20 000 views a month and I don’t have a media pack! So many PR asking me and each time, I manually check my GA and count my followers to let them now. It’s about time isn't’?
- Create this newsletter. At last, Lysik! I have spreadsheets of people who signed up to my newsletter and they haven’t received one unless it’s just a new post thing! Come on girl!
- My secret project. Start it! Reveal it in few months! Go go!!!
* I have received the jacket & shows from Bow's Boutique to review.